EAT WHEAT = FEEL DREADFUL! WHAT BIT OF 'DON'T EAT WHEAT' DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND?

She.. aka my mum.. is very fond of her grub - and yours too if she could get at it! And upon arriving at Borough yesterday she was greeted with lots of kisses and a surprise package from Daniel, who is a Master Baker.

"Oooh.. lookielookie, something extra specially delicious.. Cherry Crumble" and down the hatch it went. Did she think one thought of how crumble could possibly be made without flour? No. So, today has been a write-off as far as anything sensible being done.

She just about managed to put a new belt on to the vacuum and do some of that and she has done a load of washing and put another pile of things away but she hasn't really been 'with it' in fact, I would go so far as to say she's been decidedly without it, whatever 'it' is, that humans are supposed to have.

But let's go back to Borough for something very funny happened when she sat down to eat the Cherry Crumble, her pride was severely dented, for she sat down on a trolley, thinking that the huge yellow storage box at the other end was full and that it would act as a counter balance.

Well, of course, you've guessed it wasn't and she was deposited onto the floor in very ungainly heap, whereupon she got the giggles, could not get up and had to be pulled up by three men! Three! HOW undignified was that?

The three men were Joe, George from the Linseed Oil and the nameless but the very kind tall man from the Parmesan and Proscutto counter which is directly behind George. "Too much Crumble" said cheeky George!

But at least it wasn't as bad as eating the loaves of bread that she lusts after, so would you if you saw them, they're made with cheese and olives and they're very slurpicious. So she was able to make enough sense when she called Anita and went underground and got down to Fulham Broadway within forty five minutes to get her hair cut and coloured.

Yesterday was a glorious day weather wise, I am hoping that it will be the same tomorrow and that I will go on a jaunt with her to Chiswick Farmer's Market and onto the allotment for a day of sunshine and Autumnal breezes.

For soon it will be October, which is the second month of Autumn and how many nice days will we have left before old man Winter comes to town with his evil friends, Mr. Frost and Ice and Chilly-Billy Wind? Take advantage of these nice days, if you're having any and get out and about!

Don't eat wheat.. and get foggy-brained.. it really does do most peculiar things to her body and brain and it takes a good 24 hours plus to get out of her system. Anyway, I have managed to loll about on her head for a fair bit today so it hasn't been wasted.

Parents, ah well, they're not always the brightest bunnies on the beach are they, were yours?

GeeGee Parrot.
September 24th, 2016.

SHE DIDN'T HEAR THE MOBILE RINGING IN HER BAG..

So she missed the call. But, very luckily, she looked at the phone before she went to bed last night and saw she had a voice message, it was from Emma, Valerie's daughter, reminding her of her aromatherapy session today.

BLIMEY.. CRIKEY.. That would have been grim beyond belief to have missed that! Now, the strange thing is that she knows she put it into her calender but when she checked her mobile for today, there was nothing listed! Grrr.. so naughty iPad is swallowing addresses and wicked HTC mobile is deleting calender dates.. this, folks, is not good!

Anyway, we got up today at a sensible time and off she went out of the house. To note, with extreme anger, that those bastards, the scaffolding company who she chased off our stretch of pavement on Tuesday morning, have broken our curb!

She spoke with Philip, the driver who works for the next door house, and he confirmed that it happened late yesterday afternoon and yes, it was done by the scaffolding lorry. Huh.. they are pretty stupid if they think we can't trace this lorry, all she has to do is call the Managing Agents.

Our pavements are hollow! Don't these idiots realise this? How she wishes they had got stuck like a lorry did last year further up the street, that cost them a pretty penny or two as the council threw the book at them to cover the cost of relaying the pavement and so did the owners of the house whose vaults underneath which had been tanked and turned into a kitchen.

Anyway, enough about stupid people.

She had a painful session with Valerie who picked up immediately the evil bacterial infection and who told her to go to see Doctor Katherine and then she worked on a lot of other stuff.. "wow, you've had a really difficult time, to say the least, haven't you?" said Valerie, mum explained a bit about the flat, me, the on-going damp situation and the stress. And made another appointment for the end of October.

On the way back she thought about going to have her hair cut but realised she was knackered, not a pretty word but it describes exactly how she felt. So, instead, she caught an 11 bus from Liverpool Street Station and then ambled up the street, arriving home at about half past three.

We had a very light, late lunch, then she fell into bed to sleep the sleep of the dead, to awake about half an hour ago, I had perched on her pillow quietly standing guard. No twitching or whistling was done, I was just making sure she was safe and sleeping properly.

Tomorrow is another day with lots of toing and froing to be done but tonight will be a quiet night for us and early to bed.. sometimes I have to just go with the flow and realise she's not that very young anymore and that she has had this horrid infection, the residue of which will take some getting rid of.

Got to take care of her, she's my mum, the only family I've got.

GeeGee Parrot.
September 21st, 2016.

MY SUNDAY JAUNT!

Yes, I did say yesterday that I would be back tomorrow and yesterday's tomorrow is now today! Keep up at the back there, I don't have time to go off looking for stragglers.

Early on Sunday, which IS usually a day of rest in our home, she produced my travelling cage and my heart sank.. right down to the soles of my funny toes. For I thought I was being taken back to jail and so to delay the agony I clambered in veryvery slowly, she put in food and water bowls, picked up my travelling bag and another basket, walked out of the door and turned the wrong way!

Very weird, I thought to myself, the route to jail's the other way, where are we going? We walked up the road, boarded a 22 bus and chuffed off down the King's Road, it transpired we were going to see friends! And I had a grand time, for although it wasn't a sunny day, it was warm and pleasant to be outside in the fresh air.

I tweeted, chirped and whistled a few bars of whatever came to mind and generally played the fool. Then lo and behold Goaty Mum Debbie arrived and gave me a pot of curd! So that, Dear Readers, was my Sunday jaunt, no, not a joint, a jaunt!

But today an extremely strange thing has happened. She is very puncticilious about birthdays and she wanted to send a card, it would have had to fly to Dallas so she was getting it into the post in good time, however, their address has disappeared! All that's left on her iPad contact is their name and their email address and yet.. she knows that she had all their details.

How can this have happened? Do iPads have a habit of doing this? Will she have to go laboriously through all of her contacts to see if other people's details are missing? It's BORING, to say the least.

Now that boiled egg has entered my blood stream and I have to burn off this protein rush. I know, I admit I'm 'pretty' weird but I have to go to door pole to play the fool and generally cause chaos, ringing landline and making in-coming fax noises!

And they confuse most of the passers-by, for these noises mixed up with a few bars of Auf Wiedersein and Diamonds are guaranteed to make those-in-the-know laugh and the others just think that someone doesn't have answer machine, for I do ring that poor old landine for a very long time.

We have questions.. all of which are far too 'politically incorrect' to post on my blog. But here is a taster, the father of someone recently 'directly involved' in something in America had to speak to the police through an translator, however we find this strange, as he has lived there for over 15 years.

Beak closed.

GeeGee Parrot.
September 20th, 2016.

IT'S SEPTEMBER 19th. COME BACK TOMORROW..

Because this post is short, real short! For I'm driving her nuts! Almond, Brazil, Cashew or Hazelnut.. take your pick! And I'll, surely, be banished to bed sooner rather than later, I fear!

She has changed my food to being a high protein one with lots of bones and chicken meat! And, oh boy, it's been like rocket fuel! HeeHee.. old Beaky's in full whistle mode and I'm whistling songs that I never even knew I knew!

And I do so want to tell you about the jaunt that I went on yesterday! Yes, a proper jaunt! So please come back tomorrow, I'm sorry but she's had a day and a half today with a huge amount of running about getting things to various people and arranging things for other people and she's got a full day starting tomorrow at 11.00am.

She'll tap old iPad tomorrow for me and then she's going up the road to our Lebanese friends to blow her top! For their electrician is being worse than flippin' useless and they're still without power in their sitting room. When all the daft idiot has to do is run a new cable from the first floor junction box socket fuse down the staircase and create a new supply.

Blimey.. How we wish OUR Wizard was still working but he ain't, poor Rob has a 'problem' with his spine and is no longer able to do any physical work.

See you later alligator.. in a while crocodile..

GeeGee Parrot.
September 19th, 2016.

OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING.. OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

Yes, I am free as a bird and what a great time we've been having! Yubba yubba dubba dubba! Read on and I bet you'll be chucklng at the end of this post!

Monday was, as you know, the day she was rescuing me from behind bars. But first, there was the meeting with the environmental health officer, who is thorough to say the least and who found the damp floor underneath the basin in the bathroom.

He told her how to word it in an email to the landlord and to cc it to him as it is a new area therefore a new case.. heehee. And he said "your boiler must be made to work properly, tell him to get it serviced immediately or get his plumber to come and rectify the fault". She tapped out an email and he said "that's good, I'll wait for his reply".

She came to collect me in the afternoon.. such kisses were kissed, such squeaks were squeaked.. Oh, to be able to fly about and play the fool. She and I played for the rest of the day, ate human food and went to bed at a very sensible hour.

Tuesday, she spent the whole day at home and there weren't many moments when she was out of my sight! However, after being in jail for three solid weeks, I am now used to going to bed early and I start to flag at about seven o'clock so she put me to be bed between seven and eight and closed my curtain! New routines are in place!

She woke up early this morning, Wednesday, because Richard, the landlord's builder, plumber and electrician was due to come to see to the boiler and look at the wet flooring, he came this morning on the dot of 09.00 and said "ok, let's have a look at the boiler first".

He opened it up, roared with laughter and said "did those posh builders take a radiator off by any chance?". She replied in the affirmative and his response was just wonderful.. wait for this!

"Well, they forgot to put the water back into the system, no wonder it wouldn't start, the safety valve mechanism is in place and it shut down, I'll tell the landlord that it is indeed NOT working as you so correctly put in your email because the posh builders didn't check that everything was working before they left!"

And the two of them squealed with laughter! Richard had had his nose 'slightly' put out of joint when the 'posh' builders.. whom she called the slugs aka thugs in suits.. were used instead of his team who would have done just as good a job.

And, lookie lookie, the landlord is now going to send the slugs Richard's bill because it was their fault the boiler wasn't working. Oh, God does work in very mysterious ways, does he not?

Then onto the subject of the WET floor! He said "Blimey, it's sopping wet, a pipe has burst in the floor and it goes all the way through to the back of the room and all along the skirting board! It means that I'll have to put in a new floor, do you want anything different in here whilst I am doing it?"

She told him what she wanted and he said "That's brilliant, I'll surface mount the new pipes along the back wall, which means your hot water won't have to go under cold concrete and I'll give you a new hand basin unit and cupboard, I'll tell him that this way it is going to be A. cheaper, which is will be and B. much quicker which it will be as well, you know how he hates to spend money!"

They smiled at each other in their conspiracy, they have known each other for over forty years! And it's going to be a winwin situation, yes, there will be a bit of mess for a few days but at the end of it, probably by the end of October, she'll have her bathroom exactly as she wants it and then he said "you know Milford, my chippy, when I've done the plumbing, just tell him what cabinets you want and he'll do them for you."

"And this flooring has to be changed as it has to come out, get yourself off up to John Lewis and chose a new one, get them to come and measure now and tell them that it needs to be laid when the plumbing is in but before the cabinets are done so that the floor is properly covered and whilst we are doing that, we'll raise the washing machine up on blocks so that you can get at the filter properly".

Why John Lewis for lino? Ah, well, not many people know that the John Lewis carpet and lino fitters are the very best in the business! Clever smart decorators with expensive carpets will only employ fitters that have been trained by the John Lewis Partnership.

Tomorrow is a busy day for her, she wants to get that sorted, then she is seeing Lebanese friends for a late lunch followed by tea with an extremely old client whom she met up in Kensington when she collected me on Monday, she heard this squeaky voice calling her name and there she was!

She has been bidden for tea and gossip, there'll be lots of that but in the meantime, she's rocking with laughter and wishes that she could see the slugs face when they receive Richard's bill. Don't you love it? We do!

Oh, it's SO good to be home again. We are both very full of chirp!

GeeGee Parrot.
September 14th, 2016.

IT'S STRAWBERRY SEASON, WHY WOULD A SMOOTHIE COMPANY BUY FROZEN EYGPTIAN STRAWBERRIES?

Because this, Dear Readers, is just what the Tropical Smoothie Cafe company has been doing but it appears that it won't be doing it any longer as their Strawberry Smoothies, made with frozen Eygptian strawberries has, according to an article in todays New York Times, been linked to an outbreak of Hepatitis A.

It's Summer.. Strawberry season.. why would you want to import frozen fruit when it is growing fresh probably within a few miles from your cafes?

Read the article for I quote 'It is typically spread by ingesting (human) fecal matter from contact with objects, food or drink which has contaminated by an infected person.' Not nice, in fact, ugh.

Buy local produce. Support your own countries farmers. Why has there been an escalation in diabetes and obesity with all of the health related problems it causes?

Yesterday, Debbie and she ate the most delicious food, made as they watched on the next door stall. The hygene was impeccable, different coloured boards and knives were used, the gas fires hot! Food was made to order and the fruit stall was doing a roaring trade with apples and their straw punnets of Autumn Raspberries and Blackberries.

There are two messages here.. know what you are eating and where your food comes from. She's boiled chickpeas in preparation for my return.. for we eat homemade hummus in our house, you could too!

GeeGee Parrot.
September 12th, 2016.

THE DAY THEIR MUSIC DIED..

Today is September 11th and I'm not with her, I wasn't with her twelve years ago either. The date, of course, is infamous as the day that the twin towers in New York City were attacked and destroyed in 2001 and it was upon the third anniversary of that date that tragedy struck in her home. It was the day that her dearest darling Dagga Parrot was killed.

Today is Sunday, twelve years ago it was a Saturday, a day very similar to today, a bright Autumnal day. Nothing, when they woke up that morning, was amiss, they had a glorious day planned with friends coming to lunch at the allotments and there was no warning that disaster was about to strike. 

But fate stepped in and like a wicked snake, he struck at this little home and silenced their 'music'. Her beautiful boy was wrapped in a length of scarlet felt and laid to 'rest' under a giant pot at the allotments.

Coming home tonight on the bus after a lovely day which included an absolutely delicious lunch with Debbie at Chiswick Farmer's Market and several hours pottering about on the allotments, she thought about coming home twelve years ago.

Having to come back that night into a very silent flat with no grey boy.. just his huge empty cage. Oi vey. The flat was, of course, silent tonight but only because I, yours truly, am in jail but I'm coming out tomorrow and there will be much joy and happiness for both of us.

For we are a flock she and I, it's not a big flock but it's OUR flock and we have been apart for too long. And her being sad in remembering Dagga's death does not mean that she doesn't love me any less, oh no, for she loves me as much as she loved him, I know she does, as she knows I love her.

Oh, come on.. roll on tomorrow. Chop chop.. hully-hully! I so want to go home..

GeeGee Parrot.

September 11th, 2016.

SHE SHUD NO BETTA..

Huh.. well, wot do you expect from de jail bird! Word has reached me that her greed got the betta of her again today! Heehee and that the poison from the wheat struck at her within an hour! Those cheese and olive breads that they sell at Borough Market are loke catnip to her, I have told her that she ain't a cat but do you think she listens? Huh.. Fat chance!

Anyway, she got home safely, I'm not sure how 'cos it made her feel most peculiar and that wasn't the best day or time to feel like that when she had to come home from London Bridge to Green Park on the Jubilee Line with thousands of commuters all heading for Waterloo.

Ah well, seeing as to how I am still incarcerated in jail, there ain't anything I can do about it, is there?

She is off to Bartek tomorrow in search of IshPol for us and that Goaty mum. We haven't had any for months! True.. not just some gross fib or exaggeration. She is taking two tubs of Goat Curd with her as Glenn wants to stock some fresh cheeses and she thinks that this would fit one of the bill and that his customers would love it.

I am coming out on Monday now, in the afternoon. Yubba-dubba-doo! Can't wait! I will have been behind bars for three whole weeks! They're charming folks, the staff at the aviary and very sweet but it ain't home and as I've said before, they feed me bird food, need I say more?

Anyway, she's starting back on her regime! No naughty food is going to be consumed, this means NO breads from Borough and a slighly lesser amount of dairy in the way of cheese, she is, you see, quite capable of eating a whole Fremlins in one go, not all in the one big slurp but one slice is not enough and then, before she knows it, there's an empty wrapper!

But regime food in our house is very scrummydumptious, oh yes, it is truly slurp-the-durp! For it is hard boiled eggs and grapefruit with coffee, followed by meat or fish with vegetables and then some cheese with more vegetables. With fruits like blackberries from the allotments or our own apples and lots of water.

She's now 'pretty' small and is going through her clothes with a strict hand! Apart from very good coats or jackets, anything that is too big is leaving, she's wearing stuff that she wore in the '80's and '90's! Several pairs of slim cut MaxMara trousers, which need to be tailored as her hips are under 34", likewise several wool gaberdine Ungaro skirts that are ageless and tiny!

And now she's small on 'top' as well, for she measures 30", I am not going to give you the rest of her bra measurements. That's confidential but because of weight loss, new bras had to be bought, beloved Pat introduced her to a marvellous woman who is a lingerie expert. We will give you Ruth's full details when she is settled into her new premises.

Time for us dollies to go to bed, she got to do the routine that Moorfields taught her and to put in the last lot of antibiotics plus her normal drops.

Monday's getting closer.. that's very chirpful making, that is!

GeeGee Parrot.
September 9th, 2016.

STAYING BEHIND BARS..

I'm still in jail! And old fussy guts, otherwise known as mama, has decided that I shall remain here until next Monday.. BOO HOO. But I do, reluctantly, understand her reasoning.

For the longer the nasty chemicals have to disperse before I return home, the better. We birds do not have lungs, we have air sacks, I know, it is a very curious thing, is it not? And the nice Environmental Health man has had to change his inspection date to Monday morning as well, so I'll be let out of jail on Monday afternoon.

This means she can 'skip' off to the garden all day, every day until then. She'll do Borough on Friday with Joe but tomorrow and over the other days you'll find her gainfully employed being horrid to the weeds and those other cheeky garden invaders.

Too hot to plant new Narcissi bulbs, you're supposed to plant them in August but the ground is rock hard and dry, so she'll wait until October, when she'll also plant lots of garlic, onions and shallots. We eat a lot of shallots.. do you?

Her new favourite morning dish is two finely chopped up hard boiled eggs mixed together with a small raw shallot, also finely chopped, freshly ground salt and pepper with a light drizzle of good olive oil.. scrummy! That's just how I like my eggs too!

In my last post I spoke of our Autumnal weather, this morning she dressed accordingly because it was damp and dismal when she woke up. However, almost on the dot of 1.00pm, the sky cleared and old man sun turned his torch onto full beam. It now looks like a Summer's day out there but it's better because the sky is a deeper and richer blue.

Yes, it would have been nice to go out to the garden with her over the week-end but I am sure there will be other sunny days before that grumpy old man Winter rolls into town for his three monthly stint, well, I sincerely hope so!

Her Blue Bokara rug is almost ready to come, the lovely Kasia at Texterity has washed and mended it and she will collect it probably next week. Then she'll be able to start putting everything away properly.

The landlord has refused to accept responsibility for the damage caused by the damp.. words failed the man at the Town Hall when she showed him that email but as she said "I don't mind losing this battle because you guys have won the war for me and are watching him like hawks".

Just like in Poker, in life, you have to know when to fold. We'll be better when we can 'fold' our hands and wings around each other. Roll on Monday, that's what I say!

GeeGee Parrot.
September 7th, 2016.

GARLIC CUCKOOS OR CUCKOO GARLICS?

Today is September 6th but you would think it to be October at least! Words reach me in jail that dry brown leaves are fluttering down and that the skies are grey.. ugh.. it sounds as if Autumn has arrived with a wallop.

On Friday, the sky was an Autumnal grey and the air felt damp, it didn't rain, it tried to but only a few drops pitter-pattered down on the pavement as she came home from Borough.

Saturday and Sunday were both gardening days and on Saturday, there was a minor panic as she thought.. KEYS! Where are my allotment key, what have I done with them? Luckily they appeared and off she went. Calling in upon her Lebanese friends in Yeomans Row.

And, oh dear.. to be told such a tale of woe! For they have a very serious problem with their electrical supply but she could do nothing and so left to go onto the allotments.

And shortly after she had trudged down the path.. it started to rain. Not pitter-patter rain but seriously wet, very cold Autumnal rain. She kept her rain jacket on and went to dig up the remaining garlic, onions and shallots that she had left in the ground.

To discover that the last three rows of garlic had produced miserable bulbs! They were supposed to be big fat purple ones but these bore no resemblemence to that description! They were minute, white skinned and each bulb only had four or five skinny cloves.

Hence the title of this post, could they have been cuckoo garlic or garlic cuckoos? We will never know but one thing is for sure, she won't be buying garlic from THAT supplier again!

Yesterday, Monday, she met Ann and they went to look at the new garden roof at John Lewis on Oxford Street, they had thought about having lunch up these but it was horribly expensive, with a small choice, so they didn't and had lunch in the store.

She found the shower curtain rings she has been searching for and they caught a bus back down to Sloane Street, they parted and she hot-footed it home, picked up her eye medications, her hospital number and went back out off to Moorfields. For she knew something wasn't 'quite' right!

Sure enough, the A&E nurse said "Ugh, poor you, you've got a really nasty infection, go through and a doctor will prescribe you something for it".

It was heaving with people and she didn't get home until after 8.00pm! With new eye medicines and antibiotics for both eyes, to be taken every two hours for the first three days and then four times a day for a week.

The doctor said that she was pleased she hadn't gone to her GP but had gone to them for they had pulled her notes by the time she was seen. The doctor did a full range of tests, including her pressure and checked that poor old optic nerve in her right eye, it isn't ever going to get better but they are trying to keep it as stable as can be. Who knew all those years ago in 1969 that her Optic Nerve had been damaged! Certainly no one looked to see if damage had occurred.

And now having had a full examination and with two new prescriptions, she has an appointment with her Glaucoma Consultant for January 13th, 2017.

Today she received a very surprising call! It was from the new head of the Tenancy Dept at the Town Hall. Such a kind man, he was calling to check that she was back in the flat and that the works had been carried out properly! She told him the Environmental Health Officer is coming tomorrow to check and to 'sign them off' as it were and said that she would ask him to call the tenancy dept with his findings.

"You make sure he does that please? For our department knows your landlord of old and how he tries to get out of doing repair works properly and if there's any trouble or problems, you come straight back to us, ok?"

How kind was that? Mind you, he's certainly seen all the notes from the man whose position he had taken over and John, the previous chief, certainly didn't mince his words with regards to what he thought about our landlord!

And after the Environmental man has been and gone, she's coming to collect me! And we are going to have a couple of quiet days at home together. For Moorfields have told her to take it easy for several days as they have no idea what can have caused her to get such an infection!

She's not wearing make-up, she washes her face and steams her eyes because of her eye lid problem, so who knows but they, her eyes, haven't felt 'right' since she came back here into the flat.. did they use a chemical that she's reacted to? Certainly the smell in that cupboard WAS most peculiar!

Thank heavens for cut onions! She cut several in half and shut them in the cupboard to absorb the strange unpleasant smell and they've nearly eradicated it, thank goodness!

Who knows? I don't 'cos I'm jailbird number One.. due for release tomorrow.. oh, I do hope that this tomorrow comes, not like in the words of that song!

GeeGee Parrot.
September 6th, 2016.