Bless her heart, she does credit me with an enormous amount of intelligence. How the hell would I know which variety of apple to plant, I don't read books on fruit, I eat it and occasionally look at our existing apple trees but only to check that some naughty bird isn't doing a scrump.
You don't know what a scrump is? Of course you do, it's when you set out to steal fruit and go scrumping!
There's been a lot of scrumping going on this summer out at the allotments.
First of all, some unmentionably evil people stole 99% of her cherries, then there was a massive raid on all of the pear trees on the entire allotment site, stealing everyone's fruit in one night, there must have been a gang of people stripping the trees and it must have been done early one morning.
But almost the saddest of all was the raid on her little Violetta fig. It happened last week, for we were there last weekend, she watered the small tree and picked a couple of very tasty ripe ones.. yum slurp.. then tucked and pegged the horticultural mesh securely back around the tree.
Birds of all breed loves figgies and as they've eaten all the Marseille figs above the height of two metres, she reckoned they had had their fair share of her figs this summer, so she wrapped the Violetta up to prevent beaky people from scrumping.
Yesterday she walked down the path to the little fig tree yesterday and upon spying trampled grass, she thought 'Oh no, not these as well', the thieves hadn't even bothered to replace the mesh, it was hanging down on one side and sure enough, had been stripped of figs.
Again, it must be someone who has a plot on the site, someone who has access to the site and comes in very early.
For there are families who have suppers out there and as the weather has been glorious, a lot of plot holders come down later than normal to water.
Yes, she's saving up for two surveillance cameras!
But onto happier things, she cut the grass and tidied up a few of the beds, tied in a few long blackberry shoots, which will grow along the chain link fencing which borders Brian's old plots.
Which leads me to write about a very unexpected gift she received.She arrived one day about a month ago to find, parked outside her gate, a large green wheelbarrow and a matching watering can.
'How strange', she thought, then remembered that Brian, her neighbour, had these, so she went onto his allotment which is now a jungle and peered into his shed, upon seeing neither a wheelbarrow or a watering can, she assumed they must be his and sent him a message and received a message back saying 'yes they were his and he'd given them to her as the wretched Sycamore trees had defeated him and he was giving up his plots'.
How sad she thought, he had been a pleasant neighbour and very circumspect about weed control, particularly weeds that have seeds!
Ah well, people's lives change, isn't that true!
Her life has certainly changed in the past twenty years, it will be the 19th anniversary of her taking on the plots this coming January, and apart from the three Cypriot families at the other end of the site and Joska, who came to the site a month or two after she took on her plots, she and Rose, the owner of Gerty, her Jack Russel, have been there the longest length of time.
Elaine and Stephen went well over four years ago, Jack Baker died three years ago, his wife did take the plots on but in a very half hearted fashion, the charming Iraqi family with Nancy, their African Grey have been gone for at least six years, Jane gave up her plot due to ill health and so too has Stefano, the wonderful chef.
But let's go back to apples.. I lurve a crunchy apple and so does she and my bet, yes, I am a betting parrot - it's a good thing I don't get pocket money (no pockets to keep it in) as it would all go on the odd flutter.. gettit! Flutter.. feathers.. perhaps not, not everyone is as mad as we are in this house.
Anyway, my bet is that it will be a variety of Russet apple, all the rest you can buy at Farmer's Markets but it's rare to see Russets for sale, yes, they're an old breed of apple and I think she'll go for an Ashmead's Kernel.
This variety dates back to the 17th century! And has an unusual, almost pear like, taste. It is an extremely versatile apple as it is delicious cooked, is brilliant in a salad (!) and keeps well.
So that's a no-brainer, but as she has room to plant two trees, which other would be a good one, perhaps a D'Arcy Spice but as she hasn't been able to find any available, it will probably be a Saint Edmund's Russet. We already have a Egremont Russet and the St. Edmunds are richer and juicer, so that is what she'll go for.
She'll order them this week for delivery this
Autumn and at some point before then, will prepare the ground for their arrival, buying two stakes with the rubber ties and get a load of mulch ready to put around the trunks of these trees when they are planted.
Jolly Dolly is what I say or should that be Tooty Frooty? Whichever, you get the drift, the more fruity tooty the better.
Goodness me, it's way past one of the afternoon clock, where's my lunch? I had better let her go and rustle a pan or two in yumyum hq. Stay happy, healthy and safe wherever you may be.
GeeGee Parrot.
September 22nd, 2019.